Yesterday was TOUGH! I did NOT want to exercise. I was a baby about it. I even joked with my life coach "buuuuuttt mmmmoooommmm!!" when she asked about me. When my oldest son called to see if one of his brothers was joining him at the gym I joked with David (ds#2) asking if he wanted me to work out. He said, "I wouldn't mind it." His eyes were sad. Uuuuggghhhhhhhh! Talk about feeling like crap! I wasn't thinking about the fact that all of my older kiddos (bio and heart babies alike) have mentioned they worry about my weight. Seeing his eyes and thinking about my youngest, who is already big for her age made me put on my workout clothes. I don't want this to be her life. I want her to live, and to live a strong and healthy life. I want that for all my kids. So I got up off my butt and I found a YouTube video. Today when I woke up early I went back to YouTube and found another one. God willing I will keep it going with YouTube until I can get the external DVD and use my old videos again.
This all started snowballing again with me taking a walk with my daughter two days ago. I'd done the water challenge I'd blogged about before and was still doing well. My nutrition was better too. My exercise was the pits though. My back to health journey actually began when I found Beachbody about a year and a half or so ago and did the 21 DayFix. I LOVED it. I love Shakeology. However, in my current situation, I can't afford it. (I still have some left so don't be surprised if you see me drinking it.) I want to. I'd love to be able to do the OnDemand videos and rock them like I did this time last year. I went from 365 to 322. I could do all but the burpees without modification. Then around January of this year, I stopped. I wasn't even in survival mode for part of it. I was simply frozen in fear of what was happening in my life, and in my relationships. I felt more alone than ever despite living with other adults. As a result, I gained every bit and then some back. I got to 368. Seeing that number crushed me. I won't lie and say I'm great. I'm not. I'm just not as bad as I was and I'm getting better. I am "okay". The biggest thing I noticed though was the less I moved the worse I felt. I did need a break from things, but exercising wasn't one of them. I need that to help keep my mind clear, and my iron pills to keep my anemia at bay. (One of the side effects of low iron is fatigue and that does nothing to help memory or motivation.) Will I get off my butt tomorrow? I don't know. I hope so. I do know that the more I exercise the more likely I am to keep exercising. One step at a time is all I'm worried about for now. As the good book says, "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 or one step at a time.