1. Water, get it, get into it, drink it, accept that you will breathe it. because humidity is a thing. Swimming and splashing helps you feel human. Use a hose if you have to.
2. Flip flops are life. It is too hot for shoes. Just slide them on and go. They even make fancy ones now.
3. Long hair is the devil. It will stick to you like perfectly done pasta on a clean wall. No, it won't stay where you put it unless you use a can of Aquanet and we aaaaaaallllllllll seen enough bullet proof hair down here.
4. If it's after noon just don't. It's too hot to breathe let alone move. If it's an outdoor event make sure it starts AFTER sundown and take an arsenal of bug spray.
5, Speaking of bugs, we have lots. Get Avon Skin So Soft from your Granma or Memaw and Off and then give up anyway because you won't win. (June bugs are cool though. They hit a ceiling fan blade and go zoomin across the room. It's pretty funny hearing the thud when it hits and the stupid things always do it again. Now if it lands in a prissy girls hair, that's the icin on the cake, then you get a show too!)
6. You won't die, but you are dying, slowly, every day and then just as you start to make peace with Jesus, you know everything is pumpkins and football. Breathing actual air can happen again.
7. If you want everyone to love you, get the good ice. That would be Sonic's. (Get LOTS of it. We eat that stuff like candy.) You can be forgiven for not having sweet tea (possibly) if you brought the good ice. (Just to be safe though, don't forget the sweet tea. I mean why risk it?)
8. You will be yelled at to shut the door. It don't matter if you just walked in or what. Letting any cold out is akin to forgetting the sweet tea AND the good ice.
9. I don't care what anyone says about southern girls not sweating. We sweat like pigs, but if you mention it before we do you are hereby banished from the next cookout, RUDE!
10. And for heaven's sake DON'T SLAM THE SCREEN DOOR!! I don't know why. I just know everyone's Memaw yells this. (You have any idea how hard it is to KEEP that blessed thing from slammin shut?!)
Now that you know that summer in the south is just hell with pretty girls feel free to come on down and visit. We will talk your ear off and tell you all the best beaches (well most anyway, gotta have some secrets) and places to eat. We will love to visit with you, inside, where there the AC is so cold your lips turn blue. We love it here and we love sharin it. It's beautiful all year round, and summer is when the south is the most beautiful...................lookin'.